


I Will Dream of You

by lesbiangeekspiral



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-03-15 06:19:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3436679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbiangeekspiral/pseuds/lesbiangeekspiral
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Carmilla left, Danny thought she'd never see her again. 5 years later a lot of things have changed, but have her feelings?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Her day starts like any other. 

Danny was a person of habit, waking every morning to go for a run and stopping by her favorite bakery to pick up Carmilla’s very specific coffee order before walking home.

The apartment is empty when she gets back. Danny fully expects her girlfriend to be sprawled out in bed for at least another two hours. Shrugging, she puts the coffee down on the table and starts packing away another box, figuring Carm would be back soon. 

She was acting weird lately, maybe she was on another walk.

Danny grabs anything in reach, throwing things into boxes labeled “kitchen” or “living room”, she stops when she reaches for the picture on the side table and picks it up with care. 

It’s one of the first photos of her and Carmilla after they started dating. Eighteen years old and drunk off her ass, Danny decided that Carmilla made the perfect chair at a Summer Society party. Perry luckily got the picture of Danny kissing her cheek, her limbs sprawled everywhere trying to compensate for her height. Carmilla is glaring at the camera. The second photo in the frame is Danny mid fall with Carm’s head thrown back in laughter. 

Anyone could guess which picture is Danny’s favorite and which one is Carmilla’s. 

The door opens, shaking Danny from her memories. 

“Hey babe, where have you been? I brought you coffee.” Danny says as she one handedly tries to rip bubble wrap from the roll, the frame still in hand. 

She doesn’t get a reply. 

Danny looks up to see Carmilla in the doorway looking at her with tears in her eyes. She stops futzing with the wrap.

“Hey, you okay?” Danny stands up taking a step towards her, Carmilla takes a step back. 

“I-I can’t do this.” It’s barely a whisper, but Danny hears it well enough. 

“Can’t do what? Move? It’s already too late for that, you signed your contract!” She gives Carmilla a reassuring grin. 

“No Danny, I can’t be with you.” 

Danny’s face slips into hurt, then anger. Danny hasn’t been this angry in years. She waits for the punch line, a crack in Carmilla’s demeanor.  
It never comes. 

“What do you mean you can’t be with me? We’re fucking moving to New York City for _your job_ Carmilla!”

There’s no answer. 

“This is ridiculous, give me one reason why you can’t be with me.” 

Carmilla picks at her sweater, unable to look at Danny. She makes a few attempts to speak, but nothing comes out. The only sound in the room is Danny’s breathing. 

“I don’t love you anymore.” 

The picture frame shatters as it hits the ground.

“Get out” It comes out as a growl. Danny’s shaking on the spot, trying to hold herself together. 

“Dan-“ 

“Get.Out.” She points towards the door, tears in her eyes. 

Carmilla takes one last look at her and leaves, closing the door with a soft thud.

Danny falls to her knees, sobbing. 

The coffee sits steaming on the table.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so everyone knows italics are flashbacks and dashes are time breaks

_“I don’t know what happened, I just found her like this.”_

_Danny woke to Perry talking on the phone, most likely to Laura. She sits up, not remembering making it to her bed in the first place._

_“She called me crying last night and she didn’t stop until I put her to bed.”_

_Danny vaguely remembers calling Perry last night in her drunk haze, the crying not so much. Her headache hits her hard as she climbs out of bed, her need for water pushes her towards the door_

_Perry is pacing around the tiny floor space left in the living room, her arm crossed over her body._

_“No, I don’t know where Carmilla is.”_

_“She left.” Perry’s head whips around, she stares at Danny._

_“She doesn’t love me anymore.” Danny shrugs and moves towards the kitchen._

_The coffee is still sitting on the table._

_Danny grabs it and angrily throws it in the trash. Her eyes fill with tears._

_Carmilla left._

_“Laura I’ll call you back.”_

\--

“Eight…nine…ten”

Danny takes a deep breath and opens her eyes. They city sights reemerging as the light switches to “walk”. She crosses the crazy streets of New York. 

A lot of things have changed in five years, her job, her city, even her hair, but Danny is still a person of habit. 

Just a different habit.

She leaves her apartment at 7:45 every morning, giving her just enough time to walk to her favorite coffee shop a few blocks up before taking the subway to work.

It’s a routine she has stuck to throughout 3 different cities. 

She strolls into the shop and is immediately overwhelmed by the amount of people crowding the counter. She takes a breath and pushes her way to the front. 

“Large hot with cream, no sugar please.” Danny smiles at the cashier, hoping her kindness will move her drink up in the long line of cups. 

She stands to the side and pulls out her phone. She doesn’t have a second to breathe before she hears a voice she never thought she’d hear again. 

“No, no! How many times do I have to tell you how to make this? Seriously I can’t believe Ben left, at least he knew how to make a coffee.”

She freezes. Danny searched for the voice, unable to find her in the large crowd.

The largest city in the United States would be the place to run into her ex-girlfriend. 

“Let’s try this again, Henry. Black coffee, a splash of cream, yes good. Three spoons of sugar-yes three! And a pump of vanilla. There we go! Thanks so much! We’re gonna do this again tomorrow!”

Danny couldn’t help but roll her eyes. Some things never change. 

“Large with cream for Danny!” Smiling she thanks the barista and turns to leave.

She is halfway out the door, staring at her with wide eyes.

“Hi.” 

Danny ignores how her heart beats faster at the sight of her. 

“Hi, Carmilla.” 

A customer shoves into Carmilla, breaking her trace. She gestures outside, turning to leave and Danny follows. 

They stand on the sidewalk, tucked away on the wall taking each other in for a moment. Carmilla looks the same, Danny notices, but her eyes look sad. She tries to ignore that she notices. 

“So,“ Carmilla starts, “how long have you lived here?”

“A few months now.” Danny shifts awkwardly from foot to foot, a nervous habit she can’t seem to shake. 

“And you didn’t think to tell me?” 

Danny scoffs. “We haven’t talked in five years, Carmilla, this is a city of eight million! I never expected to run into you.” 

Carmilla cringes. 

“I just meant…I don’t know! No one told me you moved here. Sorry I’m a little taken aback.”

Danny takes a breath, her anxiety rising every moment she looks at her.

“Look, I have work and I’m already running late. It was a _pleasure_ to see you.”

As she passes Carmilla, she feels a hand on her arm. 

Danny hates that she stops.

Carmilla sighs, “I’m sorry. I’ve had a bad morning, well a lot of bad mornings if I’m being honest. Do you want to grab coffee this weekend? Catch up?”

No.

“Sure.” She mentally kicks herself. 

“I-uh-I have the same number…I don’t know-“

“Yeah Carm, I have it.” She tries to smile down at her, but it comes out as more of a grimace. 

“Okay, cool.” Carmilla scratches the back of her neck, trying to hide her blush.

Danny shakes her head and gives her a genuine smile.

“I’ll text you later, yeah?”

Carmilla nods and Danny leaves for work. 

Her heart beats wildly. Her entire ride to work she thinks about Carmilla, and why it all went wrong. 

-

She spends most of the day staring at her phone. She just wants coffee Lawrence, how bad could it be?

Danny laughs to herself, yeah how bad could getting coffee with the girl who ruined her be?

Sighing, her door opens and her students enter from lunch break, chatting away in rapid Spanish. 

“Kids! Remember this afternoon we are speaking in English! Get your English thinking caps on!”

Giving her kids time to settle in, Danny grabs her phone, instantly regretting hitting send.

“Same place?”

She sticks her phone in her bag.

“Alright class! Let’s review the alphabet before moving on to some words!”

-

She gets through the rest of the afternoon without thinking about Carmilla. Mostly due to the kids not remembering the words they learned yesterday. Seriously, these 5 year olds are going to kill her. 

Danny doesn’t check her phone until she flops down on her couch, beer in hand.

1 new message.

“Yeah sure, I’ll pick you up at 11?”

She tenses up with the familiarity, her lungs feel like their being rung out like a towel. She closes her eyes and counts to ten.

“It’s not a date. I’ll meet you there.”

She lets out a breath. It’s just coffee. They’ll meet and awkwardly chat and try not to remember the day Carmilla left, then they’ll part ways forever. 

Her phone dings as she takes a swing of beer. 

“Yeah, meet you there.”

Danny rolls her eyes and takes another long swing. The reality of the situation sets in.

She’s talking to Carmilla. In two days. 

Shit. 

She calls Perry.


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry for how long this took!

_Danny comes home to her empty apartment. Perry encouraged her to go for a run, something she hasn’t done in the two weeks since she left. Danny got about halfway down the block before panic set in. She spent an hour walking aimlessly trying to calm herself down. She places her keys on the table and heads to their-her room when she notices something missing.  
Well, a lot of things missing. _

_Boxes are torn apart, the ones that Danny hasn’t had the heart to unpack, things strewn about the living room. She steps into the bedroom and the wardrobe is open, half the hangers are empty._

_Carmilla's things are gone._

_Tears well in her eyes, she must have come by while Danny was gone. Not everything was gone though. She must have been in a rush. Danny finds a flannel on the floor and picks it up._

_It still smells of her._

_Tying it around her waist, she makes her way back into the living room and starts to empty the boxes, seeing as Carmilla did half the work for her. She goes to put a book back on the coffee table when she steps on something._

_The picture frame lays on the floor seemingly untouched for weeks. Perry cleaned up the glass, but Danny never felt like looking at it again. It’s half empty now._

_Carmilla’s favorite picture is gone._

_Danny doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry._

\--

She checks her appearance for the tenth and last time before heading out. She really shouldn’t care what Carmilla thinks of her. But Danny needs to prove to her that her leaving didn’t affect her. 

Even when it did. 

Her phone call to Perry the other day didn’t quell her anxiety. 

“Daniella Lawrence why didn’t you just throw your coffee in her face and leave?”

“I can’t believe you’re seeing her again willingly!” 

“Just be careful okay? Don’t let her get into your head.”

She steps out into the busy street and tries to calm the panic rising in her chest. 

Danny enters the shop and orders her usual. Once her name is called she turns around to find Carmilla sitting at a table in the corner. To say she’s shocked is an understatement.

“I didn’t expect you to be early” She says as she approaches the table and sits down. Carmilla gives her a smirk.

“I’m full of surprises.” 

An awkward silence falls between them. 

Danny stares out the window next to her, taking occasional sips of her coffee. When she looks back she finds Carmilla staring at her. 

“Why did you want to see me?” It comes out more angrily than she intended, but Carmilla doesn’t bat an eye.

“I wanted to clear the air, answer any questions about what happened.”

Danny snorts, “You left me five years ago. I accepted I wasn’t getting answers a long time ago.”

“Oh.” Carmilla looks taken aback, “Well-uh-what are you up to now? Why did you move here of all places? I thought you hated New York.”

“I got a job offer here that paid better than my last job, so I took it.” Danny shrugs, taking another sip.

“You still teaching kids English?”

“Yep.”

Carmilla sighs. “I thought I was the one who doesn’t talk about personal things.”

“Well things change.” Danny doesn’t miss Carmilla’s grip tightening on her mug.

“Look, can we just get through this? We can ask each other about work, talk about Laura, and then never see each other again” Carmilla seethes. 

“Fine,” Danny huffs, “I teach bilingual kindergarten now, which was better than my last job where I taught night classes in Spanish. The last time I taught anyone English was in Germany.”

“Oh good! You took that job!” Carmilla smiles at her, Danny can’t help but relax a little. 

“Yeah well, I had to do something, right?” Another silence, the memories of lying in bed for days come flooding back. Carmilla shifts awkwardly.

“What about you? You some hot shot art curator now?”

She laughs, Danny ignores the tug in her chest, “Not yet, still kissing ass and giving tours to nightmare children.”

“Oh come on, kids aren’t that bad!” Danny starts to joke, the familiarity doesn't scare her as much anymore. 

“Danny, kids love you. I, on the other hand, can’t get them to shut up for two minutes so I can give my tour.”

Danny can’t help but smile. “Well soon enough, you’ll be head curator at the MET and you can ban kids from the museum.”

Carmilla shakes her head, “I knew you didn’t know what a curator was.” She looks at Danny, her smile reaching her eyes.

Danny’s heart beats faster.

They talk about Laura for a bit, Danny didn’t realize her and Carmilla were still in contact. Her heart didn’t stop pounding in her chest. It isn’t until her phone dings does she realize what time it is. 

“Oh fuck! I’m sorry, I forgot I was meeting Perry!” Danny moves to get up and Carmilla follows. 

“You still hang out with psycho-mom?” 

Danny rolls her eyes, “Yes and I totally forgot I have to help her pick out stuff for her and LaF’s apartment.”

Carmilla walks out with her. Before Danny can turn around to run across town, Carmilla grabs her wrist. 

“Do you want to do this again? I really have missed you, Danny.”

_No._

“Sure.”

_I spent years trying not to miss you, you can’t just walk back into my life this easily._

“I’ve missed you too, Carmilla.”

Danny doesn’t miss the slight blush on her cheeks. 

“Text me when you’re free, okay? I really have to go.”

Carmilla gives her a quick hug, and before she can process what is happening, she pulls away. 

“Bye gingersnap.”

Danny stands in shock as Carmilla walks away. Her whole body feels like it’s on fire.

Fuck.

Perry is going to kill her. 

She spends the whole walk trying to slow her heart.


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so SO sorry this took so long to update. Life got in the way. But this should be back to regular updates now! As always please feel free to comment!

_She stays with Laura for a while. Her job in Germany doesn’t start for another month, and Laura refused to let her stay in that apartment. She takes all of Carmilla’s things she left and shoves them in a box. The picture that was left in the shattered frame sits in Danny’s tattered copy of Pride and Prejudice. The book sits in a box, and Danny hopes she just forgets about it. She’s still in shock, how is she not supposed to be? They’ve been together for 4 years, there were no signs before Carmilla just…_

_Did she do something wrong? Did she push Carmilla away?_

_Laura breaks her out of her thoughts by shoving a plate of food in front of her. Danny looks up at her._

_“You haven’t eaten properly in days Danny.” She starts to protest, “No and I don’t count the gallon of ice cream you ate last night.”_

_Laura sighs and drops beside her on the couch._

_“You need to eat something healthy, and I know that’s strange coming from me,” Danny lets out what almost could count as a laugh, “you can’t let her do this to you.”_

_Danny grabs her fork and aimlessly pokes at the broccoli. Laura tentatively puts her hand on the base of Danny’s neck and starts to play with the hair there. It’s something that Danny’s mother used to do to calm her down._

_Something that Carmilla used to love doing._

_She takes in a shaky breath, “I didn’t even know you knew how to cook broccoli, Hollis.”_

_Laura giggles, “I didn’t. I had to call LaFontaine.”_

_Danny cracks a hint of a smile, and for a moment she forgets._

\--

The final bell rings for the day and Danny let’s out a sigh of relief as the kids rush out the door yelling a mix of “Bye Miss Lawrence!” and “Adios Señorita Lawrence!” as the pass her. Another week has passed and her students are finally speaking both English and Spanish more fluently. She erases her board filled with everything from common phrases to an elaborate drawing of a dragon…story time kind of got sidetracked. She packs up her stuff, slings her backpack over her shoulder and heads downstairs. Danny waves to the other teachers, all eager for another weekend. As she steps outside and smells the freedom awaiting her, her phone dings. 

“Still on for tonight?” Carmilla texts her, her contact name changed from “Elvira” only a few days earlier. You can’t be friends with someone and have that as their contact name. 

So one cofee turned into two which turned into Friday night dinner for the past month…which is something Danny didn’t expect. She also didn’t expect Carmilla to be so different. The snark and the sass were still there, but she opened up more and let herself enjoy things. The “I hate the world” attitude was gone. 

She texts back a quick “See you at 7!” before heading to the subway, eager to get out of her work clothes. Her apartment is a wreck, clothes everywhere and half read books in the strangest places (yesterday she pulled one from her fridge), her bed is never made and her blankets are half on the floor. Danny sighs before attempting to tidy up a bit before she has to get ready. They always end up back at someone’s apartment, and since the last few times have been at Carmilla’s, she won’t be surprised if they end up here tonight.  


And it’s not a “sex thing”, as Perry likes to put it. Its dinner and drink, except drinks are way too expensive at bars so they just go back to someone’s place. They’re catching up. That’s all. 

(It’s not like Danny’s heart races when she sees her or her stomach swarms with butterflies before she leaves) (It’s not like Perry didn’t believe her when she doesn’t have feelings for her) (It’s not like that all)

After a slight clean up, she quickly showers and changes into black jeans and a button down top. Carmilla was taking her-they were going to a restaurant that Carmilla kept raving about. She was told to “dress casual” and coming from the girl who wore pajamas to graduation, that could mean anything. The clock on her nightstand is blinking 6:00 at her, and she leaves with urgency. 

Carmilla lives on the other side of town, and of course her favorite place is only a few blocks from her place. Danny spends the subway ride fidgeting, trying to calm herself down. She was getting dinner with her friend and that was it. Her friend that broke her heart and left with no explanation, but a friend none the less. 

Carm spots her before Danny spots Carmilla, and she catches her staring before waving, giving her time to recover. She sits down at the table, her regular drink already at her place and greets Carmilla. 

“You know, instead of staring, you could always get my attention. I’m no mind reader.” She smirks at Carmilla’s blush. 

“Yeah well, I just wanted to watch you blunder around for a little, it’s funny!” She snarks back, not missing a beat. It reminds Danny too much of their relationship banter, and for a second her chest aches like it used to after she was gone. 

She tenses and clears her throat, suddenly unable to breathe “So, how was work?” Carmilla, now used to Danny’s shifts in behavior, doesn’t bat an eye.

“Eh, fine. I lost a few kids for an hour but I found them.” Danny almost spits out her water.

“You LOST kids? How does that even happen?” Carmilla’s smirk turns into a smile.

“Well, when kids hate you, they tend to find ways of skipping out on a riveting tour about impressionism.“

“Where were they?” 

“Playing hide and seek in the statue garden, where else?” Danny can’t help but laugh. Of course Carmilla got stuck with a job with kids. 

Their waitress arrives, and they order their food. Danny’s impressed, this place definitely beats the dive bars Carmilla used to take her to in college. It’s small of course, but the menu doesn’t solely consist of different kinds of cheese fries and the bar tender has a shirt on. It’s a nice change. 

“So-“Carmilla jars Danny out of the past, “uh-Laura’s coming to town next week.” 

Oh yeah, that. 

She knew Laura was coming, but neither of them had mentioned that they saw each other, or even that they were friends again. God, even Perry didn’t know the extent of it. 

“Yeah. She is.” Is all Danny can say. Carmilla gives her a look she was familiar with. The “you are an adult and need to help me out please” look. One that Danny hated. 

“I mean, we have to tell her, don’t we? She stayed in touch with both of us all these years. It’s only fair” Carmilla nods in agreement. “But you have to tell her.” Carmilla shoots her head up in shock.

“I am not telling her, she’ll want to talk about it! You know I hate talking about things!” Danny sighs as their food arrives. There is a brief pause in the conversation, not wanting to include the poor waitress in all of this. 

“Don’t make me say it.” Danny says quietly, moving her fork around her plate aimlessly. 

“Say what?” Carmilla’s voice is muffled by all the food already in her mouth. It’s so cute Danny wants to melt right there. 

“You le-just, can you please tell her?” Danny watches Carmilla remember. She watches the realization dawn on her that nothing Laura will want to talk about with her will be worse than what she would want to talk about with Danny. It’s like she remembers in spurts. Carmilla tries to forget and all Danny can do is remember. 

Carm swallows her food, “Yeah, I can tell her Danny. Not a problem.” 

The rest of the night goes smoothly. They fight over the check as usual (and split it as always because Danny tells herself that these aren’t dates).

“Okay so I’ll just grab a bottle of white on the way to your place.” Carm states and Danny laughs. 

“I knew you were gonna do this. You’re lucky I cleaned my apartment!” Their arms brush in the cool night air, but Danny can’t help but feeling too warm.

“Daniella Lawrence cleaned??? I’ll have to see this!”

They make their way back slowly, Carmilla stops and gets her wine and Danny browses. Once their ready, they head up to Danny’s one bedroom. It’s small, but Danny was never one to need a lot of space to feel at home. It’s been her space for only a few short months, but it already screams her. It’s her own private sanctuary away from the city, and she’s letting Carmilla in without much hesitation. She opens the door and lets her in. 

“This is what you call clean?” Carmilla chuckles, “There are books everywhere!” 

Danny rubs the back of her neck, “Yeah, well, I read a lot!” 

“So do I, but there’s a thing called a bookcase, oh wait! You have one! Carmilla goes to peruse while Danny takes the bottle of wine out of her hand to get glasses, the bottle already half empty from the walk home. 

“Feel free to borrow anything! God know what’s in there though, I kinda just threw them all in there as best as I could” She hears Carm snort from the other room as she busies herself with getting glasses from the shelf, and opening her red to accompany Carmilla’s white. She grabs both glasses and heads to the living room where Carmilla is intently reading a tattered old book. 

“So,” Carmilla jumps a mile, slamming the book down in the process, “find anything good?” Danny asks.

“Wha-? Uh-no. Nothing good. Just one of your old ratty books from high school probably.” She saunters up to Danny and takes her glass out of her hand, taking generous sips as they head to the couch. 

It isn’t till much later after awkward goodbyes and “text me laters” that Danny picks up the book Carmilla was so intently reading. Her old copy of _Pride and Prejudice_ that was written all over and read over and over sits where Carm left it, and Danny can’t help but smile. She flips through it, and it stops where an old picture lays between the pages, tattered from the constant moves. Carmilla, eighteen years old, glares up from it and Danny slams the book shut. 

It’s something she forgot she even had. A rash decision to keep the picture…she really hasn’t read this in _five years?_

Carmilla saw the picture. There is no doubt in Danny’s mind. 

She doesn’t sleep that night.


	5. Chapter 4

_It happens the second to last day before Danny leaves for Germany. Laura is helping her pack up the last few boxes while Perry cooks them a “family goodbye” meal. Lafontaine already left for Toronto, their lab job started last week, and Perry was leaving the same day Danny did to follow. The last few months weighed Danny down, but her friends definitely helped her. They knew when to call or when to feed her or when to make her sleep because “I don’t care if your sim is about to propose you’ve been playing for three days straight!” Hell, Laura even stayed with her when she drunkenly called Carmilla at 5 in the morning._

_“Hey Dan?” Danny looks up from where she’s sitting to face Laura, who’s reaching out almost tentatively._

_“What’s up?” Laura grimaces before she starts to pull out the contents of the box by her feet. She barely gets Carmilla’s favorite flannel out before Danny tenses up. She totally forgot about the box of Carm’s things she’s been carrying around._

_“I can just throw this stuff away if you want” Laura offers._

_“Don’t-“ Danny starts. “Just, don’t. Let me, let me go through that.” Her breathing starts to pick up and her hands start to shake. She was doing so well. She mentally hits herself for letting one thing bring her back to how she felt that day. Laura drops the shirt immediately and makes her way towards Danny, straddling her lap and hugging her tight._

_“Okay, okay that’s fine! I’ll just put it aside! I’ll….uhh” A sob rips through Danny and Laura panics. “Perry! Kinda need you right now!!”_

_If Danny wasn’t trying to fight off a panic attack, this scene would be comical. Perry rushes out of the kitchen, apron and all, and rushes over, pulling Laura off of Danny._

_“Laura she can’t breathe!” She sighs and crouches down to Danny’s level, grabbing the sides of her face._

_“Danny? You’re okay. Just breathe okay?” Danny takes a deep breath but stutters over another sob._

_“Inhale for ten, okay? Remember when I was freaking out over my spoken German exam and had panic attacks all the time? This helped. One, two, three…” Perry continued to count as Danny inhaled, her heart rate decreasing._

_“Good, now exhale for ten.” Perry tells her as she moves her hand from the side of her face to the back of Danny’s neck, rubbing circles there. Once Danny’s breathing goes back to normal, Perry stands up and grabs Laura, giving her space._

_It’s not until way later, when the box is forgotten and they eat their weight in food and Danny laughs so hard she gets hiccups that it happens._

_Danny’s asleep on Laura’s couch when she’s jolted awake by someone talking._

_“Why are you calling?” It’s Laura, she figures out, that girl has never been good at whispering._

_She hears what is as close to a growl as Laura can muster, “You have a lot of nerve asking about her Carmilla.”_

_Oh._

_It’s not like Danny didn’t suspect Carmilla’s been staying in touch with Laura. They were best friends after all. It’s another thing to hear it._

_“Of course she’s not fucking okay, you just upped and left!”_

_“Oh I bet you have a reason. I’d love to hear it, but Danny is sleeping on my couch right now because she couldn’t stay in that apartment without having a panic attack!”_

_She gets quiet after that, Danny assumes she hung up and went to bed._

_Danny doesn’t sleep at all that night._  
  
\--  
Danny’s late. Not even the casual late, the “Perry is going to murder her on the spot when she gets there” late. She was reading one second and the next, three hours went by. She was supposed to be at Carmilla’s at 6 to be the buffer between Carmilla and Perry, but it’s reaching 7 by the time Danny buzzes up to Carm’s apartment. She rushes up the stairs, bottle of wine in hand, and almost slams right into Carmilla, who’s standing in the doorway smirking. 

“Nice of you to show up.” Carmilla looks her up and down, Danny’s whole body grows hot. 

“Sorry, I found an old book and I got caught up reading it” Danny huffs, trying to catch her breath, “Did you murder Perry yet?”

“Surprisingly no, Laura has acted as buffer in your place.” Carmilla chuckles and lets her by, “Look what nerd decided to finally show up!” Danny smiles sheepishly at everyone, Perry rolls her eyes as Laf laughs. Laura launches herself from her seat and latches onto her. 

“Okay woah hi Holllis!” Danny barely has time to hold onto her with her free hand. 

Laura smacks a kiss on her cheek, “I’ve missed you! Can’t I be excited to see you?”

Perry giggles, “She did the same thing to me when I walked in.”

“Hey! I’m sorry I’m the only one who doesn’t live in New York!” Laura, still in Danny’s arms, twists around to point at Perry. 

Carmilla clears her throat, “Do you need me to take this? It seems you have your arms full.” 

Danny looks down at her, and doesn’t miss Carm’s wringing hands or her brief glare. She lets Laura down with a squeak of protest, before handing Carmilla her bottle of wine. 

“I didn’t know if I had any leftover so I just brought another one.” Danny says as Carmilla makes her way to her kitchen. 

“Dan, you have like three half-drunk bottles, I’m giving you that stuff. It’s literally taking over my liquor cabinet.” 

“Well sorry your cabinet is overflowing with weird whiskeys you refuse to open!” Danny retorts before moving to sit, Perry and Laura look at her pointedly and she knows she’s gonna be interrogated later. 

“Laura, how’s the job going? Do you hate hotel rooms yet?” Laura sits next to Danny and immediately cuddles up next to her. 

“Not yet! I like the assignments, but I just wish I had more time to visit you guys. After Danny moved here I feel so out of the loop!”

“Well we all live on different sides of the city, so we barely see each other. You aren’t missing much, Hollis.”

“Well Danny and Carmilla see a lot of each other” Laf says from the chair across the room, Perry swats at them, “Well it’s true!”

“What’s true?” Carmilla emerges with two glasses in hand, she plops on the other side of Danny and hands her the glass of red.

“That you and Danny are spending a lot of time together.” Laura looks at them with journalistic interest, fully prepared with more questions. 

Carmilla shrugs, “We hang out on Fridays, so what? Laf and Perry are so married they’d rather stay in and they live so far away.”

“We live closer to you than Danny does.” Perry scoffs. 

“You live in Midtown. I’m not going to Midtown.” Perry rolls her eyes and mutters something that sounds a lot like “Brooklyn snob” under her breath. It’s Laf’s turn to swat Perry. 

“Okay guys, I’m taking over as buffer so let’s move on, where’s the food Karstein?” Laura and her both looks expectantly at Carmilla.

“Yeah Carm, where’s your famous pasta we’ve all heard so much about?” Laura leans over Danny her arm draping across her stomach, grabbing Danny’s free hand. 

“Have enough to drink, Hollis?” Danny laughs, “How much did you have in the hour I wasn’t here?”

“I’m not drunk!” Laura protests, “I’ve just missed you!” She squeezes Danny’s side. 

“I’ve missed you too, you adorable loser.” Danny rests her head on Laura’s shoulder. Carmilla glares for a second before getting up. 

“I’ll go get the food.” Is all she says. Danny looks around in confusion as everyone else looks at her. 

“I’ll go see if she’s okay.” Danny untangles from Laura before striding into the kitchen. She finds Carmilla bending over the counter, trying to control her breathing. She walks over to her puts her hand on the small of her back, rubbing circles there. It’s something that soothes Carmilla from almost anything. (Danny hates she remembers). 

“Hey, you okay?” Danny leans next to Carmilla to be on her level.

“I need to ask you something.” 

“Okay.” 

“God-I have no right to even be asking you this.” Carmilla won’t look at her, but Danny pulls at her arm until she does.

“Just ask me, okay?”

“We’re you and Laur-Did you-“ Carmilla sighs, “Did you date Laura?”

Danny let’s out a short laugh, “No Carmilla, I didn’t date Laura.”

“I’m being serious! I know I left. _I know_. I don’t have the right to care but I do.” That makes Danny stop. Carmilla looks so defeated. Danny forgets that she must have been heartbroken too. She reaches out and grabs Carmilla’s hands, rubbing her thumbs along her palms. 

“I didn’t date Laura. She just…helped put me back together, okay? And we haven’t seen each other for a while. You know how she is.” 

Carmilla looks at her hands and intertwines hers with Danny’s. 

“To be honest, there really hasn’t been anyone since you” Danny whispers.

Carmilla snaps her head up, looking at her like she used to, like when she was in love with her. Danny can’t breathe, the room fades away and there’s just Carmilla. She’s leaning in before she knows what she’s doing and Carmilla follows. Her heart is beating out of her chest and for the first time in a long time, Danny doesn’t try and stop it. 

“Uh-guys?” Danny and Carmilla jump apart at the sound of Laf’s voice, “Sorry, uh, Laura’s getting next level hangry out there.”

Danny shakes her head, “Right, food, sorry.” She grabs the stack of plates and forks that Carmilla took out earlier and leaves the kitchen in a rush. Laf looks at her with amusement as she hears Carmilla sigh. 

During dinner, Danny’s phone buzzes. She checks it while Perry and Carmilla are mid argument about the cleanliness level of her apartment.

“You are telling me what’s going on” Is all the text from Laura says. 

“Having some disinfecting wipes wouldn’t kill you” Perry snaps.

“Yes, it actually would” Carm retorts. 

Danny rolls her eyes and texts back, “I don’t know what you’re talking about” A minute later she feels Laura kick her from underneath the table. She gives Danny a pointed look before replying. 

“You, me, and Perry are getting lunch tomorrow and you are SPILLING” 

“That’s not grammatically correct. But fine” Laura rolls her eyes before turning back to the conversation, trying to save Laf from having to pull Perry off of Carmilla. Danny downs a glass of wine. 

Danny’s the last to leave. Laura had to finish her article and Laf and Perry didn’t want to get caught with the dunk kids on the subway. She’s tipsier than she’d like to be, given her situation. Alone. With Carmilla. Her few glasses of wine turned into half the bottle, and she thanks biology that she’s a heavy weight. She’s helping clean up, her and Carm working in tandem washing and drying, trying to avoid talking about their almost kiss. It’s silent except for the clatter of dishes and the running water. Her head is reeling. 

Does Danny really want to be with Carmilla again? Or is it just the lack of closure that is making her feel this way? Does Carmilla even feel the same way? 

Carmilla clears her throat, making Danny jump and cutting her finger on the knife she was drying. 

“Oh shit” Danny sticks the cut finger in her mouth to try and contain the bleeding. 

“Fuck sorry, you okay?” Carmilla goes to grab her arm but Danny moves around her. Contact is not a good idea right now. 

“Do you have band aids?” Danny starts to rifle through the drawers.

“In my night table, first drawer” Carmilla goes to grab one but Danny stops her.

“Its fine I got it.” She strides into her room, trying to ignore the impact of just being in here. She sits on the bed, finger back in her mouth, and opens the drawer. In classic Carmilla fashion, it’s a mess, papers and bills all thrown in there carelessly. 

“You know, you have to pay these!” Danny yells towards the kitchen and she gets a grumble in response. She ruffles through with her free hand, spotting a band aid near the bottom. She moves the papers aside to grab it, but something makes her stop. 

At the bottom of the drawer is the missing picture. The picture Danny hasn’t seen since it was last in its shattered frame. She grabs it to look at it properly. Carmilla’s head is still thrown back in laughter and Danny is still mid fall. Did Carmilla forget about this like Danny did? Did she throw it in her drawer in hopes to forget? 

“Did you find one?” Carmilla’s voice grows closer as Danny slams the picture back in its place and shuts it. She looks up to Carm leaning in the doorway, eyebrow raised in confusion.

“I’m good! I should go, I have papers to grade in the morning.” Danny breezes by Carmilla and grabs her jacket. 

“Five year olds write papers?” is the amused reaction she gets.

“Yeah like shapes and stuff.” Carmilla laughs and moves to hug her. Danny panics.

“I’ll text you soon okay?” She’s out the door in a flash. Once she’s outside, she takes out her phone. 

“I lied, I need to talk to you tomorrow” She send a quick text to Laura before heading home, her head spinning.


	6. Chapter Five

_“I could love you forever.”_

 _That statement haunts Danny for months, usually in her sleep. She dreams of when she was happier, less empty. She dreams of Carmilla, dazed in sleep playing with her hair, fingers lazily caressing her scalp so Danny starts to feel tired too. She remembers them squeezed into a dorm bed sophomore year, waiting as long as possible to get dressed before Laura comes back. She dreams of Carmilla saying those words to her over and over again._

_She spends weeks trying to forget, shaking herself awake, not sleeping for days for fear of hearing her voice.  
Over time, the dreams come farther and farther apart, she moves further and further away from Silas and Carmilla’s voice, much like the girl, become a distant memory. _

\--  
Danny wakes with a jolt to her phone blaring. Rubbing her eyes, she checks the time; 3:12 am. Grumbling, she grabs her phone to see Carmilla calling. It’s been a week since Laura told her everything, a week since she last spoke to Carmilla. 

She lets it go to voicemail.

On one level Danny knows she’s being immature. She’s letting Carmilla feel how she felt five years ago. Angry, upset, unnoticed. But on the other hand Danny is pissed. 

”She couldn’t make you choose between her and your career” Laura told her over lunch.

“She didn’t want you to resent her” Well too late for that. After years and years of thinking it was her, that Danny did something wrong, it was all Carmilla. 

Not having a job in New York? Not a good reason to break up with someone after four years. 

Being afraid their breakup would be ugly and Danny would hate Carmilla? Still happened.

“Carmiila spent her first year crying to me almost every night. She would call you at all hours, but she changed her number so you thought it was a sales call. She wanted to hear you voice even if it was a voicemail.” 

Danny wanted to hate Laura for that. For talking to her and not telling her, but she couldn’t. She could only be mad at Carmilla. 

She’s about to fall asleep when her phone blares again. Too angry to ignore it, she answers with a curt “What”.

Carmilla sighs, “I was so worried about you.”

Danny waits. 

“I thought you were dead in a ditch somewhere, and Perry wasn’t answering any of my texts or calls.”

Seething, Danny blurts it out, “Laura told me.”

“Told you what?”

There's a pause, it’s almost too much saying it out loud, but Danny needs her to know. 

“Why you left.” 

When Carmilla ended it, the silence was the worst part. Danny would spend hours blasting music or the TV just because she couldn’t stand it.  
She can’t stand the silence now.

“Are you going to say anything?”

“Come over.” 

It’s four in the morning but Danny doesn’t care. She doesn’t care that tomorrow was her first day in months where she had nothing to do or papers to grade. 

“I’ll be there in 20” She hangs up the phone and leaves, too desperate for answers to even change her slippers.

When she gets there Carmilla is waiting in the door as she has for months, wine in hand as always. She doesn’t say anything, she just hands her the glass and lets Danny in. 

Danny goes to the kitchen and scours the cabinets for something stronger, cursing Carmilla’s hate for liquor. She senses her watching a few steps behind.

“I can’t believe you” is all Danny can muster. 

Carmilla watches her for a moment before taking a step forward reaching out, Danny moves further into the kitchen, widening the distance between them. 

“You were giving up such a good experience and I-“

“-You what, couldn’t let me make my own decisions?”

Carmilla’s nostrils flared in frustration, “No, I couldn’t let you give up a good job to follow me to mine.” 

Danny scoffed, “How noble of you.”

Carmilla took a step towards her, Danny let her. 

“I couldn’t imagine a scenario where you didn’t end up resenting me and we had a terrible and bitter end.”

“That happened anyway Carm, good thinking ahead.”

“Well at least you got a life outside of me!”

Danny, shocked by this outburst, finally looked at Carmilla closely. She noticed how tired she looked, the dark circles under her eyes, the unkempt hair, even the tears welling and how Carmilla didn’t try to hide them. 

“I know it wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but I was twenty-two and overwhelmed. You were so ready to move to New York for my job you didn’t even stop to think about yourself. I know I messed up, I know ending it would make me lose you for good, but I couldn’t shake the image of us in five years fighting over this.” 

Carmilla’s voice shook as she spoke, and the tears stared to roll down her face. 

Danny said hesitantly, “Well babe, it looks like we’re here anyways.” 

Carmilla cracked a smile and so did she. 

“Why did you keep the picture Danny?” Her heart stopped, she forgot about that day and the one book out of hundreds Carmilla chose to pick up. 

“Why did you?”

Carmilla snorts, “It was the one thing I had left of you, one memory I could still hold onto.”

“Yeah. Me too” Danny looks down at her hands, the weight of the last few minutes finally setting in. 

“I could have loved you forever.” Danny snaps up and suddenly Carmilla is there and her heart is beating in her ears.

Danny kisses Carmilla and after five years it still feels so right. 

They crash into the bedroom, clothes flying everywhere. Danny hasn’t felt this happy in longer than she can remember. She lets out a giggle.

“What?” Carmilla pulls back a little, but Danny grabs her and pulls her closer. 

“Nothing, now shut up and kiss me.”  
\--  
Danny wakes up alone in Carmilla’s bed. She panics, the early morning coming back to her as she tries to find her clothes. Carmilla wouldn’t just leave her in her own bed would she?

She slips on her sweats before she pulls them on, as Carmilla pokes her head in. 

“Hey sleepy! I was so awake that I made my famous pancakes for you.”

Hesitant, Danny approaches her, “So…last night wasn’t a mistake?”

“Was it for you?”

“Not at all.”  
Carmilla kisses her quickly before heading back to the kitchen, “You are never a mistake my dear, not in a million lifetimes. Now come eat some pancakes.”

Danny smiles, “You know, we are going to have to talk about our new relationship Carm.”

She turns, pointing her spatula at Danny, “I know, but I slaved away all morning for these and I never cook. So please enjoy this fleeting moment. Besides, we have all the time in the world, right?”

Danny’s heart races, “All the time in the world.”


End file.
